he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
