Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
