Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish i was in the wii world.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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