Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
