im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
