you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
