Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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