so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
