I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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