And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
