Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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