Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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