The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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