I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You're like the curious george of whores
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
