When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
