i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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