wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
