dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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