i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
