R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
