girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
