he was CRYING into my vagina
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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