FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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