yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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