Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
