a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
