Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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