Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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