If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
