Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
