Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
