When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
