The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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