your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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