I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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