The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
