He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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