that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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