also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
