saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
