I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
