Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize