Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
