Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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