I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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