i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Randomize
