If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
