Umm I'm too high to move.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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