Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
