I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
