I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
