Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
