her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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