I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
