i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
