I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
