feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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