Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
