11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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