I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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