i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
