I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
