she woke up with a sticky ear
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
