Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He shit in the fireplace
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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