Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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