Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
this will be a night to untag.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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