How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
