How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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