I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
